sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
