My nipple is on Facebook.
handjob tips. give me some.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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