I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
