just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
