Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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