he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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