My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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