I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
