Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
