come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
