dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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