shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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