he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize