she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
