Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
