hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
