Is it because I queefed?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
