I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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