So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
