Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
