Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize