i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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