So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
