My brain says no but my pants say off.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
