you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
being pregnant is like rehab
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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