Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
