What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize