Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
