I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
