I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
