i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
