Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
