My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
