My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
