I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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