THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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