dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
