i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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