Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
