When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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