I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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