On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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