yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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