i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
