So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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