You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
vagina is talking i cant
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This baby is an asshole
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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