My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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