a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
