I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
