don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
