If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
