Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
