this boner is exhausting
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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