I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
