"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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