he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sobbing to NWA
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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