I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
