And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im six kinds of drunk right now
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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