You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize