Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
