That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
