piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
