I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize