can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
