dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
