How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
